on radical-self-honesty

How are you?
How are you really?

How often do we actually pause to ask ourselves this question? When we do, how honest are our responses? How honest are you with yourself?

Up until quite recently, I’ve been doing a whole lot of what I thought I was supposed to do, in a few cases it even felt like I was doing exactly what I was meant to be doing. Until it didn’t anymore and I began to realize that the pressure to perform and strive for success had smothered my professional-passions for Instructional Design, Project Management, and teaching. “Shit! Now what?”

Through the process of writing, I discovered (not really but you’ll see what I mean in a sec), that I had been lying to myself, unintentionally, for a really long time. I kind of already knew that though. As someone trained in mindfulness, I can’t not notice my thoughts (most of the time). Every once in a while I notice a dreamy thought (feels fun, exciting, aligned, full of possibility and potential) but before I’m able to run with it, something snuffs it out. “No. I can’t.” No story, no explanation, just a clear sense that this dreamy dream isn’t for me so we’re not even going to bother letting it roll around in the imagination. Poof! Gone! But the ones I can’t help believe ARE meant for me, keep coming back. Maybe you can relate?

Once I’d exhausted the options that seemed feasible but weren’t aligned with my desires and values, I started falling back into a pit of confusion and hopelessness: “If not this, then what?”

What now?

The answer I kept hearing was:
“You can’t know, until you give yourself permission to be brutally honest about what you truly desire.”

Confession: this ticked me off. Why? Because I couldn’t hide from the fear of (potentially) "completely blowing up my life!” Would it be worth it?

Despite moving awkwardly through life due to misalignment in many areas of my life, it felt safer to continue doing the things I thought and believed were expected of me.

This morning Mel Robbins shared in IG:

“Your relationships can be a beautiful part of your life, but they are not the whole picture. You’ve got things to do. Dreams to chase. A life to build that’s bigger than any role you play in someone else’s story.”

A synchronistic reminder that radical-self-honesty is the most direct path to follow when seeking a fulfilling life for oneself.

RSH isn’t always easy but I find writing really helps. In my journal, I practice being radically honest. I ask and answer the question: How are you really? And I pay attention to the responses that arise when I don’t think too hard!

I remind myself that radical honesty is not just encouraged, it is required in order to create a life that is aligned; and then something magic happens! I don’t have to think about how to respond. When invited, the answers often, quite simply, flow through me onto the page.

The results can be quite confronting to read: “I had no idea!” But now you do!

Writing helps me get clear within myself first which makes it so much easier to share and talk about it with others. More magic: when we can clearly express our desires and needs, the people in our lives can much more easily meet us where we’re at—with compassion and appreciation.

I’m still just learning how to practice radical-self-honesty in ways that feel kind and intentional but I’m also not slipping back into hopelessness anymore. Instead, I’m leaning into possibility and I’m having a lot of fun nurturing my Imagination back into more of a full-time position after years of withering on-call.